Must Love Babies

New Year, New List

A new year has brought a whole new category of resolutions for me: kid resolutions. This is kind of a foreign category to me. For years my list was populated with the typical "lose weight," "exercise," "make my bed every day" type self-promises, but now I have two whole new people to make resolutions for. Because I am just that much of a control freak.

So without further ado, here are my resolutions for my girls (and I say MY resolutions because my husband vehemently refuses to participate in resolution-making):

• Plan menus and cook more. Doing this means less scrambling and feeling guilty for less than stellar meals. No more Kraft singles, m&ms and a vitamin for dinner!
  
• Get organized. I seem to spend a lot of time rearranging piles when the kids knock them over, looking for misplaced pacifiers, frantically realizing we are out of size 3 diapers, things like that. Being more organized will help me spend more time with the family and model being calm and collected instead of panicked!
• Clean the house regularly. I'm sure some of you are pros at this, but I am not. I regularly choose to play with the kids or sit down and relax for five minutes instead of picking up the mop, and that needs to change. I don't need a sparkling clean house full time, but I can certainly do better than I am doing now.
• Improve upon kids’ diets, eat at 6 p.m. sharp. Caroline likes just about everything, but for the sake of simpicity, she is often fed whatever Josie is willing to eat, which isn't much. That's not fair! So we will be buying a wider range of foods for her to eat (and I'm gonna have to get off my butt and make multiple meals) including things her parents won't even touch! No need to stifle her love of grape tomatoes anymore, she'll have the most varied diet of anyone in the house. Plus they take forever to eat, and bedtime seems to be too close to the end of dinner, so making it a bit earlier will allow them more down time (and digestion time) before bed.
  
• Get more control over money. Little unnecessaries add up. That's money I could be putting away for their college, or at least for training pants.
• Get a job. Yes, I am a stay at home mom, and yes, that is very important to me. But let's face it: money is important. Not to buy stuff, but to buy options. Money can send my kids to preschool. Money can buy us an occasional mini-vacation with our family, giving the girls experiences they can't get elsewhere. Money buys admission fees to museums and zoos, organic foods, sports registration fees, music lessons, etc. Having a ton of money is so not important to us; having enough money absolutely is. So that means I have to go back to work, and try to focus on the nice, long time I was able to stay home with the girls instead of my leaving them. And that is all I am going to say about that, because if I keep going, I'm gonna cry.
• Potty-train Josie. She is finally showing signs of readiness. We are go on the potty, we are go on the potty literature, we are go on the training pants. We are still waiting on my courage to show its face. It's so funny how once the kid is ready, the mom suddenly isn't. But in this next week or two, it's go time. Literally.
• Less tv, less computer, more music. I often have the tv on in the background for noise. I don't even notice it, but Josie evidently does, because she has the State Farm commercial fully memorized. THIS IS BAD. I would much rather have her memorize the words to "Box of Rain" or even some Barney song. Electronics in general, except those required to play music, need to have a smaller role in our house. (Said the blogger on her laptop, blogging while the TV is on mute and her husband is perusing his iPad.)
• Much less cursing, none in front of kids. Pretty self-explanatory. Josie is smart enough to repeat choice things at appropriate times, Caroline just repeats everything at all times. Danger!
  
• Be positive and thankful for what I have. There are just so many dang times when I focus on the stress of having two toddlers, the messiness, the clutter, the challenges. I really need to remember the big stuff... the fact that I even have two toddlers when so many people struggle to conceive. The fact that I have TWO of them from just TWO pregnancies when so many pregnancies end in miscarriage. The fact that those two girls are (knock on wood forever) healthy and issue-free. The fact that we have a home of our own, however small and squishy. The fact that I have an AWESOME husband who is not only gainfully employed but committed to supporting his family economically and emotionally (no small feat some days). The fact that we have fabulous families and two cars that are both paid off and in good shape and a sweet dog and we live in a safe neighborhood and we have heat and clean water at our disposal and... well I could go on and on. There is so much to be thankful for, I sometimes feel so stupid for stressing over the little things. I need to keep perspective!

I hope you all have a ton to be thankful for as well, and while there is nothing wrong with lamenting once in a while, we should use it as a tool for self-improvement rather than a complaint board whenever possible. Hence, the New Year's Resolutions! I have ten more just for me, but the list above is much more important. I hope to accomplish them as the year rolls on!

A Christmas to Remember (for Mommy and Daddy, Anyway)

Last year at Christmastime, we had just relocated from Massachusetts to Virginia, were in a rented house we were in negotiations to buy, everything was in boxes, Josie had not eaten a full meal in two weeks due to a lingering flu/difficulty adjusting to her new house, and we were all freezing because of an icy combination of a much colder than usual December and no insulation in the house. This was the extent of Christmas morning:

Thankfully, the kids were only 19 months and 6 months at the time, so they didn't fully realize what a slacker Christmas it truly was.

What a difference a year makes.

This year, first and foremost, we shopped for a real, live tree and decorated it with what Josie calls "ormants" and "kwiss-mass wights." As expected, the girls thought the decorating was a game: one ornament on and two off. These shots look like the girls are delicately placing ornaments on the tree, but they are actually pulling them off while we shout, "no, leave it!!!" for the 7th time in the background.

At last the tree was done!

(Josie calls the bows on the trees "butterflies.")

The girls further geared up for the holiday by watching their nightly "Christmas Show." This is a little 10 minute On Demand video under the Baby section that they are obsessed with:

It is also responsible for teaching both girls "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Sleigh Ride." Both their versions of the former are below, though one child might be - er - slightly tone deaf. Only time will tell.

                                                 3 stars

                                            um, 1.5 stars

Christmas Eve

Then came Christmas morning, and with a little coaching, the girls quickly turned pro at opening gifts. Between grandparents, aunts, uncles, Mom and Dad, and of course Santa, the girls had WAY more than enough. At their young age, too much can be a bad thing (plus no one likes spoiled shorties), so we are taking some gifts out of rotation. That way they appreciate what they have out, and in 2 or 3 months when they are starting to tire of what they've been playing with since Christmas, we can rotate in the ones we hid away and it'll be like Christmas all over again!

Paint!

Barrettes!

The M&Ms were a huge hit

The girls got some lovely gifts, but the coolest part was definitely seeing how excited they were about Santa, the tree, the lights, etc. I don't think they got the whole concept of Santa coming to the houses of good little boys and girls, but they liked him as a "character" in the whole Christmas event. It felt like they just began to understand the spirit of Christmas and all the fun stuff that goes with it. It helped that we got to see all our family over the holidays, that made it extra fun! But we loved seeing the girls begin to develop a sense of some of what "Christmas" was. It made us realize that things will only get more and more fun as they get older! Hope everyone had as great a Christmas as we did!

Those Terrible, Traumatic, Torturous Twos

This blog might be called "Must Love Babies," but no one said I had to love toddlers.

My friend Karen loves toddlers, two year olds in particular, and she has a motto: They're not "terrible" twos, they're TERRIFIC twos!

I have a motto, too, it's called Punch Karen in the Face.

See the sweetness? Look out, it's a trick!

My oldest daughter, Josie, who is about to turn the big 3-1 (in months), doesn't know it but she is thisclose to being sold to the gypsies. She is killing us. I know, the terrible twos and I should have been expecting it and all that, but oh the humanity. She is a ball of emotional barbed wire right now and she's blowin' like a tumbleweed through our tiny house every single day. You have to constantly be on the lookout, ready to jump out of the way when she comes rolling into the room.

As I type, she is fake crying in her crib, trying to get either me or her father to come in, at which point she will request the "black pillow" (no such thing exists in our house). We will tell her to get over it, re-tuck her in, and leave. She will fake cry again and when we go in, she will indicate her pacifier is behind the crib. We will retrieve it and re-re-tuck her in. She will cry again and this time she won't like the Christmas lights that are glowing through her closed curtains. Or maybe she will insist we close the door, and when we do, she will insist we keep it open. Or maybe she will be hot, or cold, or thirsty. Or maybe she will want the stuffed animal dog that sits on her bookshelf, and when we give it to her, she will realize she really wanted the stuffed Clifford the Big Red Dog, and when we switch it out for her she will remember she actually wanted the stuffed animal dog that sits on her bookshelf.

She has temper tantrums and throws herself on the floor and turns herself into a rag doll when you try to pick her up. She doesn't want her sister to have ANYTHING; every single toy, book, stuffed animal, crayon or anything else that is remotely fun is HERS and even if she is buried under every other toy in the house, if she sees her sister about to touch the last lonely unclaimed toy, she throws a fit because don't you people get it?? It's HERS!

She will only eat chicken nuggets, yogurt, fries, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pancakes, bacon, blueberry waffles, oatmeal, french toast, some fruit and salty snacks. She refuses any food that could be construed as anything other than what I just listed. If you try to get her to eat other foods that any normal child would BEG FOR (like grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, candy, cookies, ice cream, you get the idea) she says, "no? ok." and you better believe the conversation is over.

She is destructive. She is less interested in playing with the hundreds of items that make up her play kitchen, that would be boring! She wants to systematically trash the kitchen by flailing her arms back and forth in the vicinity of the kitchen until there is nothing left on any surface. Then, instead of playing with the pieces or picking them up and replacing them, she simply leaves the room. At some point, you decide to pick up each individual piece and lovingly replace it in its rightful spot, foolishly thinking modeling the desired behavior will adjust her perspective. What you don't realize is that your arch enemy must be spying on you around the corner, laughing dismissively on the inside, and within 90 seconds your little 2.5 year old tornado will be back, destroying what you have just painstakingly recreated.

mmmmmmm puzzle pieces

She chews on the corners of her books. She rips pages out, then hands them to you and says, "mommy fiss it (fix it)." You do. You tape it perfectly back in place. She smiles sweetly, sits down with her new fissed book, and rips out a different page.

She tells you no when you give her a directive, she selectively ignores you, she undermines your authority by requesting time out, she runs away from you, she kicks at you, she throws the things you ask for on the floor as if to say, "there ya go, there's your precious sunglasses, go get 'em if you want 'em so bad." And then when you go to reach for them, she stomps on them. (Ok, I made that last bit up, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me if she tried that one, too.) She's mean and cruel and exasperating and exhausting.

Just when you are ready to throw in the towel and spend the rest of your life drunk and oblivious on the couch in your bathrobe while she does whateverthehellshewants, you do something smart for the first time in all this chaos: you attempt to seek understanding.

This is what I did. I googled "my toddler is making me want to kill myself crazy" and I got a bunch of hits that were actually helpful. I have decided to include a few light reading links for anyone else who may be going through toddler hell:

How to Discipline During the Terrible Twos

Handling the Terrible Twos, Threes, Fours

Why Are Two-Year-Olds So Difficult?

Getting Through the Terrible Twos

There is some good info in those articles, as well as some piece of mind. I don't know about you, but it makes me feel validated (read: better) to know that it is NOT just me or my kid, that others go through this exact same thing. Even just that knowledge buys me a little bit of patience when dealing with Josie. But the biggest thing I took away from reading these articles is that NO, she doesn't hate us and she doesn't just want to make our lives wretchedly horrible; she is really going through something that is just as hard on her as it is on us. That her fits are really internal struggles. That she does want to make us happy but she also wants to make herself happy, and those things might clash and she doesn't know how to handle it yet. Empathy is going to be my best weapon in fighting these battles, I think.

Which is not to say I have it all the time. I am still working on remembering to be "understanding" when Josie is trying to kick me in the face in a rage of hot tears, but hey,  practice makes perfect.

Maybe I'll have perfected it by the time she turns three. Just in time for her sister's turn.

Mean Daddy.

My last photo series of Caroline made me think of an old photo series of Josie I had on my old blog from when she was about a year old, so I decided to add it to this blog, too, because it makes me laugh:

 

 

 

 

 

The ironic thing is her shirt says, "my heart belongs to dad!" Ha!

The Faces of a Tiny Beggar

Hi Daddy, what's that ya got there? Why, is that cheese? Oh. I love cheese.

 

Did you hear me Daddy? I said, "I love cheese."

 

Are you about to put away that cheese???!?!?

 

Are you closing the package?!?!? Remember when I said I LOVE CHEESE?!?!?!

 

Are you re-opening the package? Because I do, Daddy, I LOVE cheese. A LOT.

 

Gasp! Is that piece of cheese FOR ME?!?! Really?!? Oh Daddy, you're the best!!

 

mmmmmmmmcheeeesenomnomnomnomnom

The Great Outdoors

This is just the best time of year. My kids LIVE for being outside. I can turn them loose in the backyard and I don't even need to give them toys, they'll just run and check out the leaves and chase the dog and scream when the dog turns around and chases them back. I'll watch them do this for a while, then I'll give them a couple balls or bubbles or giant blocks.

 

 

Yesterday I gave them two buckets and they collected fall leaves in them for easily 20 minutes, then we gathered them and threw them in the air. This no less than thrilled them. It's times like those when I am reminded how kids don't need the latest electronic this or the newest digital that to have fun. Kids look for fun in everything. If there is fun to be had, they'll find it. I want to be like this.

The hardest part is the coming back in, which always involves tears and sometimes even a temper tantrum (or two). Makes me look forward to us taking them camping one of these days!

Let 'Em Run

I have this theory that dogs are meant to be off leash and not tied up or tethered unless necessary. Necessary = vet visits, unruly, untrained or bad-mannered dogs, PetSmart trips, that kind of thing. I do think that it is important dogs be leash trained and can walk politely on a leash, and I also think leash time is important to the dynamic of the dog-owner relationship. But I also feel that dogs are wanderers and explorers by nature, and unless their breed or temperament excludes them from safely wandering off leash, they should be allowed to do just that in an appropriate area. 

I feel likewise about toddlers. When toddlers do finally get their legs, they want to use them 100% of the time. That's when you see them start to fight about getting in the carseat, the stroller, the seat of the grocery cart. I am lucky; my girls don't give me too much trouble in that area. But I also see the look of unbridled glee on their faces when they are allowed to wander. It makes us think that "off leash" time for them is just as important as it is for the dog!

A couple weekends ago we took them to the battlefields for a little nature walk. Both girls stuck by us at the beginning but it didn't take long for the wandering to begin:

Josie and Caroline obsessed over this little footbridge. They walked back and forth over it at least 50 times.

Caroline was our little biologist/geologist... she picked up and examined just about everything she saw.

Josie spent her time looking around, choosing her favorite spots, and sticking with them. It was tough to get her to move on sometimes!

Stevie (our dog) was also in her happy place!

This time of year is so awesome for getting outside... no sweating, sunburns, bees... and I know we will be hitting up parks, trails, playgrounds and fields for some more fall fun! Best part? Everyone loves it and it's FREE!

Sometimes I think dogs and kids aren't so far apart. They both give unconditional love, they both forgive easily, they both have a need to explore, they both need love, time, care and attention. I would love nothing more than to see my kids grow up to have a respect for nature and to love being outside, getting fresh air and sunshine. Hopefully we can foster that by letting them run around and discover the natural world on the regular!

The Fruitless Pursuit of Perfection

Before I became a mom, I was always under the impression that motherhood would bring out the supreme perfectionist in me. I always had those tendencies anyway, and I figured having children would prove to myself what a showstopper I could be. Ha!

Let me paint the real picture. Each day, I start out with my mental list of things I will perfectly and effortlessly accomplish. Playing with my kids, of course. Educational play (puzzles, ABCs, numbers, etc.). Arts and Crafts. Outdoor play. Baths. Vacuuming. Reorganizing closets. Dusting. Gym. Bathe the dog. Cut her nails. Put banana bread in oven. Bathe myself. Shave legs. Mend broken and ripped books. Play with dog. Make bed. Laundry. Organize coupons. Pay Bills. Post on blog. File old bills. Read to girls. Paint toenails. Start dinner.

Instead, a day often goes as blissful as this: Wake up. Feed the girls breakfast (it was supposed to be oatmeal, but Eggo waffles are faster). Check Facebook. Spend 20 minutes convincing Josie that pears are delicious. Eat Josie's pears while she scrambles down from table. Play with girls. Check email. Realize it is way too late for a bath for the girls and give them the old washcloth spritz. Drag everyone to the gym. Realize I am sweating and tired and I haven't even worked out yet. Back home, late lunch for the girls. Jam them into a nap and get a shower. Hmm, maybe now might be a good time to brush my teeth, seeing as it's 2 p.m. Check Facebook. Turn on Bravo. Damn, it's Millionaire Matchmaker, Plan B. Go to put a load of laundry in, realize there is still wet laundry in the washer from 3 days ago, rewash. Feel guilty that I haven't formally walked the dog in like 2 weeks. Did I eat lunch yet? Eh I'll just wait for dinner and eat this, uh what is this? Oh ok a Twizzler, sounds good. Crap, I didn't take the chicken out of the freezer. Looks like it's frozen pizza night. One of the girls is up early from her nap, great. Sit her down to paint but she just gets paint all over her white shorts, which irritates me, so we color instead. Now the other one is up. Early. I need to make myself some coffee. But I didn't eat so I'll get too shaky. Maybe I should check Facebook again. Ok, tackle those coupons. The short baby gets in my coupons and messes up my piles. Then the bigger one grabs my scissors and runs (yes, runs. With scissors.) away. Hubby will be home any minute and the house looks like Fisher Price had an exploding baby with Melissa & Doug. Dog whines to go out. I should probably go to the bathroom myself before I wet my pants. Instead I look up recipes for healthy crock pot dinners that I will never make. You know, on that off chance I can find a last-minute, inspired recipe that involves peanut butter and deli ham, because that's all we have that is not frozen solid. Too late. Hubby comes home and the guilt of having done nothing I planned on sets in.

Wow! Look at those paragraphs! The last paragraph is way longer and looks like I got a lot more done than the paragraph before it. Alas, there be-ith the rub. I manage to do less in more time than my perfect mom-counterparts do in far less time. I wonder: is it me, am I not cut out to stay at home with my children? Am I too ADD to manage it? Is my problem that I take on too much, or I don't write my list down, or that I let my kids distract me, or that I hate pressure so I don't even try? Is it really true that the path to hell is lined with good intentions? Am I going to hell??

Here is what I have determined so far. Yes, I think it is true that there are those moms out there who are super organized, efficient multi-taskers, proactive think-aheaders, can tune into multiple streams of stimuli at once, and can look good and have makeup on and jewelry besides.

Then there's me. Though I think I have a TON of room for improvement, I do think I am a pretty decent mom. I try to let my kids be who they are without too much interference. I try to be laid back. I try to instill in them respect, manners, courtesy, empathy, kindness. I play with them, read to them, wrestle with them, let them pretend to put makeup on me, sing to them endlessly. I make sure they are clean (at some point) every day, fed, clothed in matching (or at least not clashing) outfits, nails cut, teeth brushed, happy. I remember their short little pasts fondly -- and a little tearfully sometimes -- and I plan for their futures. I try to keep their present fun, exciting, stimulating and full of love. And I do it all looking rough, feeling scattered, and inside a house that needs a good once-over with the old Hoover.

And those perfect moms? Sure, they exist. They in their matchy matchy outfits, Starbucks latte in hand at the playground, Janie and Jack-clad kids playing gleefully. The ones with the best tasting, low-calorie-though-you-wouldn't-know-it dinner in the crock pot at home and a fresh baked dessert on tap for after. The ones that effortlessly wallpapered their giant laundry rooms while their 2 year old twins napped peacefully. The ones who actually have energy left for their husbands at night and keep up on all their correspondence with college friends and make their bed each morning and blog weekly about their latest (completely inventive) craft and get four workouts a week in and volunteer at their kids' preschools. Those moms. I used to hate them, but I am learning to not care and compare so much, and soon, I hope to admire them.

Admire them in a distant, passive way, that is... as I change my kid's disposable diaper on the grass and scratch what's left of my toenail polish off as my daughter eats a stick that no doubt some drooly dog left behind. My smiley, sweet, filthy daughter. I'll take it.

Perfectly Imperfect

Sometimes on the web it is easy to forget that people only show you the GOOD parts. The tidy rooms. The finished projects. The most perfect cupcake in the batch. And of course, the cute baby photos. It can be easy to begin to feel inadequate. Sometimes I have to catch myself when I look around and think, "How are all these people doing this? And doing it so perfectly? And then finding time to blog about it forcryingoutloud?"

When my house, my tiny little crackerbox of a house, is in bad need of a once over. A run of the sweeper, as my Grandmom used to call it. And the beautiful roses that my husband bought me (just because I had a migraine) are wilting and fading. And a wall remains only half painted, because Josie woke up from her nap early a couple weeks ago and we never got back to it. Our bedroom is the holding area for all the junk we don't have a spot for. Our once-perfect coffee table has crayon marks and pen scribbles on it. We are fighting (and winning) a battle with pantry moths. I haven't the slightest clue as to how to start potty-training. I ate Fig Newtons for breakfast this morning. My kids cry and make hideous faces and refuse to eat meals I have lovingly prepared for them. And I have no intention of stopping the bottle with my littlest baby anytime soon, despite the frowns of my pediatrician. I just can't. Because I am so dang imperfect.

 

Josie's toilet creation

That all-important 1st birthday cake... that cracked in half and all the icing bled

 
Christmas morning blues

Despite my best efforts to get them to look at the camera and smile

I say "say cheese" and this is what I get

2nd birthday cake camera moment is a bust

And I kept them there at least 2 days afer this!

The wall that will one day be finished, but not today

 

So when you are perusing the blogosphere, please, for me, don't forget that what you see is what you are wanted to see. Few bloggers want you to believe they are anything less than perfect. They want to inspire you and show you what they can do. They want to impress you and wow you. They are the people who dress really cute, with scarves and like, toe rings, to go to the grocery store. And carry their best bag.

I am the blogger who wants to console you and let you know you are not the only one who not only doesn't get pedicures, but is still wearing the same nail polish from 4 months ago. What's left of it anyway. I'm the blogger that says, "don't make dessert, just eat some chocolate chips." The blogger that approves of letting your kids hang out in the crib for an extra 10 minutes so you can sleep. (Unless they are crying, then that's just mean.) The blogger that knows that, on a bad day, intentions are just as good as actions.

So I'm just saying: No judgments here.

Clearly.

One Word Wednesdays

Sunshine.